Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Going My Way

"Sometimes, you have to step outside of the person you've been and remember the person you were meant to be.  The person you want to be.  The person you are."  H.G. Wells

Today I was reminded exactly why it's important to live for me.  The picture on the left popped up in my friend's Time Hop on Facebook and I was blown away by my transformation.  I remember the picture on the left.  I remember picking out that shirt, before going to play bingo with my friends.  I remember being so mad that the shirt "fit" me.  I was so fat, bigger than I had ever been.  My relationship was not fulfilling and I was convinced I was stuck.  I was convinced if I made a move, I was a jerk.  A jerk who didn't deserve happiness.  I was wrong, and although it has not been a pain free process, I over the last few months have figured out who I am, what I deserve, and I am just going to move forward.  I want to be the best "me".......

I'm going my way.

You are welcome to join me and come along for the ride.  Hell, I will even carry your bags for you!

But, gone are the days when I disembark the train, stand there on the platform, holding someone else's luggage while looking around and saying to myself:  "But, I don't want to be here."

Gone are the days where I hold onto someone else's shit just because that's what a "nice" person does.  I will continue to be "nice", but they can hold their own luggage while I alight the platform or move on down the track.

I'm going to just keep being me.
Doing me.
Living for me.

I want to be surrounded by people who want to be the best version of themselves.
Who want to grow and evolve if needed.

I want to give the best version of me as well as receive the best version of the folks whom are in my life.

I know I may have to wait for the train to pull into the station the second time in order to pick up a few people who missed the train the first time, and I'm okay with that.  We all evolve at different rates.

Just know when the train comes back around and we give/receive the best versions of ourselves, it will have all been worth the wait......

Thursday, December 8, 2016

Mascot of the Tire Store


I've had a pesky rear tire that keeps going flat every few days.  It turns out it has a slow leak in it due to a nail.  Today, Blake and I set out to have it repaired at the local discount tire store.  Blake clearly had a better time than me.  I had to shell out over $100.00 for a tire.  Blake weaseled a child out of some french fries and a chicken nugget.....

Beauty in the Now


This week I took a leave from work, and I'm spending my time on Pony Girl's farm.  There is something beautiful about being on her farm.  The simplicity of helping to feed the horses is what I enjoy the most.

There is comfort in being greeted by a whinnying chorus of hungry charges on a crisp winter morning, the smell of horse sweat and molasses in the air, and the rhythmic chewing of hay.  Where I feel like most of my life is hurried, I don't rush through this task, I instead love to set my pace and let my stress melt away.

From the moment grain hits a bucket, or twine is cut on a bale of hay, there's a peace in knowing you're providing for another being.  It's primal, it's humbling, and there is an easy silence that resonates deep within my soul.  It makes everything right in my world and it's a miracle I am privileged enough to witness every morning this week. 

Tuesday, November 8, 2016


From the moment my tires hit the gravel driveway, I can feel the stress of my life melt away.
Here, I feel at home: mind, body and soul.

There is no judgement, only acceptance, and I yearn for the easy silence that I find here.

It's funny how life works.  
In the midst of chaos, my heart has found happiness and a place to call home......

Sunday, October 2, 2016

Hard Decision, Authentically Me.....

One of the challenges I face as an author is oftentimes how much to share with my audience.  I feel an obligation to share with you the funny and the good things going on in my world, but I get stuck when it comes to the personal aspects of my life.  

I have been writing this post all week and after talking with a dear friend of mine last night, I realize I need to be honest with not only myself, but with you as well.  I know I don't "owe" anyone anything, however I sort of feel if you choose to live your life publicly, if you invite folks in with your words and wit, encourage them to sit down with a warm cup of coffee, and invest in your craft, you do owe them the truth.  

Life is not just fluffy bunnies and rainbows.  Life is the good, the dissenting, and at times is downright hard.  Today's post is not injected with humor and cute pictures of my animals.  Today's post is raw, and it's real.

This week The Reluctant Farmer and I ended our relationship.  

This decision was not easy, and it was not taken lightly, however it was one I had to make.  You see, in life, I try to be 100% real 100% of the time.  Likely, this is why I always have something to write about.  Last year I went to a workshop on how to be my best self, and I had to identify with the fact I had questioned my romantic feelings towards The Reluctant Farmer for some time prior, and identified that even though she has so many amazing qualities, I thought of her as more of a friend.  I had marinated and meditated on this for quite some time, and finally I had to "come out" with what I was feeling in order for me to live my authentic life.

For now, The Reluctant Farmer and I are going to continue living together as roommates.   I think this arrangement will work out for the both of us, as well as Miss K and the animals.  I pray we can make it through this and come out on top as friends.  As always, thank you for showing up to read what I write, and for standing with us as we embark on our next adventure......

Monday, September 19, 2016

Stitches and a Shoe Box Full of Money

Some days you work for a paycheck, and some days you work to pay the vet bill......  Today was the latter.

When I arrived at the horse barn tonight, I was greeted by a tearful teenager.  The teen mentioned is a wonderful young lady who turns our horses out to pasture everyday, and she loves our horses as much as we do.  Often our two horses, Bob and Mia, get turned out together, and her gelding and our horse Bob often times get turned out together.  Today, she thought she would let the three of them out all together, but it turns out the saying it true.  Three's a crowd.....

What we can gather is that our mare must be in heat, and the boys must have been vying for her "love".  What started off as a benign everyday event, ended up with Bob looking like he was on the loosing end of a bar fight.

As every parent knows you either have the child at preschool who gets bitten or the kid who does the biting.  Evidently we have the child who gets bitten.  I reminded our teenage friend that it's impossible to control how animals act and react.  You can't control an animal's thoughts or emotions any more than you can control the spinning of the earth on it's axis.  It's just not possible.    

There will be no riding for the next 4 weeks, but all and all we're blessed this just required a few stitches and a shoe box full of money.....

Sunday, September 18, 2016

Humanity and a Herd of Kittens

Late last night we were on a dark country road in the rain, coming home from my mom's house, when The Reluctant Farmer's headlights illuminated several pair of eyes along side the road.  Instantly I pulled out the "mom seat belt", thumped her across the chest and exclaimed:  "Do you see those eyes?!"  This was immediately followed by me saying: "Seriously?!  Those are kittens!"  

The Reluctant Farmer then said the most profound statement I have ever heard her utter:  "Should I stop?"  Now, I'm not entirely sure why she asked me this question, but I feel I deserve BIG kudos for not pointing out this was the stupidest thing she had ever asked me... (We have been together for 7 years, and there has never been a point in that time when I have not "stopped" if it concerned the welfare of a stray/sick/injured/orphaned animal or homeless person.)

  Perhaps she was thinking she was going to get lucky and I would not make her participate in this adventure.  Alas, no.....

Me:  "Um, yes!  Turn the car around!"  

We turn the car around.  I get out a flashlight, and I instantly see all these little eyes staring back at me.  I did the infamous:  "Here kitty, kitty, kitty!"  And out of the brush comes the first kitten.  Now I am not sure if it's because this was the female of the group, therefore making her supremely intelligent or what, but this girl (Molly) is NOT stupid.  She saw her ticket to a warm car and full belly, and thought: "I am outta here, boys!"  I quickly picked up the wet, shivering ball of fur and ushered her to the car when I then went back for the next one.

This boy (Harry) made me work a little for his trust.  I had to get Molly back out of the car, show Harry that Molly was loving the fact she was warm, and slowly Harry allowed me to pick him up.  Quickly we drove back to my mom's house for a box and a better flashlight.  We decided to give it one last go, because I was not convinced I only saw 2 pair of eyes peeking out of the brush at me.

On the next pass, an additional pair of eyes glared back at me.  This is where the night gets fun... 

 Armed with a can of tuna and a flashlight I am calling "Kitty, kitty, kitty!"  No, kitty....  This goes on for several minutes and I can hear the kitten in the brush, but I can't see him.  Suddenly, a nice man and woman pull up behind our car and ask us if we needed help.  As I am crawling around on my knees looking deranged and drunk, I explain I am looking for a kitten that had been dumped, fully expecting them to leave, but no!  Suddenly the brush lights up so bright I am sure we can be seen from outer space!  I turn around, and there is the man from the car with a flashlight so big, we could have landed an airplane on that dark country road.  And for 45 minutes, in the rain, that man and I worked on getting that kitten to come to us.  

The "dance" was brutal and I kept saying things like:  

"Kitty, just come to me.  My house is crazy, but you will be well fed and warm."

"Come to me kitty!  Coyotes and kittens are a BAD combination!"

"Dude, seriously?!  Do you know how much stress you are going to cause me because I can't catch you?!"

And my personal favorite:

"God, why would you show me 3 kittens but only allow me to catch 2?!  You know this shit is going to drive me crazy, I will not be able to sleep tonight, and that is not fair!  I call bullshit!"

Slowly the last kitten creeped out from under the brush to eat the tuna I offered, and as it was making it's way towards me, I told the man behind me:  "Here's the plan.  You shine that flashlight on the kitten and don't take it off him.  I am going to likely get the crap scratched out of me, but when he drops his head to eat, I am going to snatch him up by the scruff of his neck."  

And just like that, with some cat like reflexes and the skills of a ninja, we caught the 3rd and final kitty (James).  Excitedly, I hurried back to the car, where The Reluctant Farmer was talking on the phone and I hear her say to the person on the other end:
"Oh, she's back!  She didn't die!"

It was then that she explained to me she saw a guy approaching while I was crawling around on my hands and knees, and she could see 2 flashlights in the darkness, but since she did not see the beams of light whirling all around in different directions, she figured I was not struggling for my life against the stranger.  

Do you see what I am working with folks?! 

I thought about leaving her on the side of the road, but I needed someone to drive the car....
The kittens are all safely home, and are doing well, however I need help with this project.

If you feel compelled to help monetarily to the Herd of Kittens vet care costs, I would greatly appreciate it.  I have started a donation page in hopes of raising funds to get them vetted and into new homes.  In rescue, I rarely ask for donations, but I am out of funds after saving another cat last week who had been dragged by a car.  Please donate if you are able to, or share my post at a minimum.  

It takes a village folks!
Thank you for being in mine!